As the old year draws to a close, one can't help but reflect on what hasn't been done and what can never be reclaimed. Say what you will about this year, it is lost, it is gone. And as I look around me I can honestly say there is no group that I would rather be with to face the grim specter of death racing with blinding speed so inexorably towards us.
I served the Council for 16 cycles. I was the chosen of Dukhat to replace him. I held him when he died. His blood is on my hands, his spirit in my eyes, his word on my lips. You will step aside in his name and mine, or in Valen's name I will tear this ship apart with my bare hands until I find them. Move aside!
(applause) Um, thank you. I'm not much for public speaking, or much for speaking, or come to think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying. So let me just say that in my experience high school sucks. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have started advanced placement classes in pre-school so I could go from 8th grade straight to college. However, given the unalterable fact that high school sucks, I'd like to add that if you're lucky enough to have a good friend and a family that cares it doesn't have to suck quite as much. Otherwise, my advice is: stand firm for what you believe in until, and unless, logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the Emperor looks naked, the Emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort-of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza. Thank you. (applause)
Comedy should provoke! It should blast through prejudices, challenge preconceptions! Comedy should always leave you different than when it found you. Sure, humor can hurt, even alienate, but the risk is better than the alternative: a steady diet of innocuous, child-proof, flavorless mush! Demand to be challenged, to be offended, to be treated like thinking, reasoning adults! And raise your children to be the same! Don't let a comedian, a network, a Congressional committee, or an evil genius take away your freedom to laugh at whatever you want.