#Speeches

(applause) Um, thank you. I'm not much for public speaking, or much for speaking, or come to think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying. So let me just say that in my experience high school sucks. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have started advanced placement classes in pre-school so I could go from 8th grade straight to college. However, given the unalterable fact that high school sucks, I'd like to add that if you're lucky enough to have a good friend and a family that cares it doesn't have to suck quite as much. Otherwise, my advice is: stand firm for what you believe in until, and unless, logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the Emperor looks naked, the Emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort-of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza. Thank you. (applause)