Quotes With Recently Updated Files

Dec

2000

Chanukah bush

From: The Nanny

Episode: The Christmas Show (1993) (Season 1, Episode 8)

Well, one year we begged my mother for a Christmas tree, she called it a Chanukah Bush. P.S., the candles from the Menorah set the flocking on fire, and the fumes put my father into the emergency room.

Fran Drescher (Fran Fine)

File Updated: 2021-11-23

#Chanukah

#Christmas

#Candles

#Medical

#Emergency

#Hospital

#Fire

Dec

2009

What would you want him to bring you?

From: The Nanny

Episode: The Christmas Show (1993) (Season 1, Episode 8)

If you did believe in Santa, what would you want him to bring you? –Daddy for Christmas.

Fran Drescher (Fran Fine) | Madeline Zima (Grace Sheffield)

File Updated: 2021-11-23

Dec

2009

Christmas spirit

From: The Nanny

Episode: The Christmas Show (1993) (Season 1, Episode 8)

Niles, you old Scrooge. Get into the Christmas spirit. –Spoken by one who doesn't have to clean it all up. –Well, that's the thing about Chanukah. Eight candles and a menorah; no fuss, no muss. –Is it too late to convert? –Never. We'll get you a Bar Mitzvah and, of course, a circumcision. –Suddenly I'm filled with the Christmas spirit.

Fran Drescher (Fran Fine) | Daniel Davis (Niles)

File Updated: 2021-11-23

Dec

2009

Stimulate the economy

From: The Nanny

Episode: The Christmas Show (1993) (Season 1, Episode 8)

What did you do, win the lottery? –I wish, more like rubber checks. Don't worry, I'm not going to let them bounce. Tomorrow I'll get my Christmas bonus, Saturday and Sunday the banks are closed, Monday I'll make an instant deposit, and I've done my share to stimulate the economy.

Daniel Davis (Niles) | Fran Drescher (Fran Fine)

File Updated: 2021-11-23

Dec

2009

She still believes in Santa

From: The Nanny

Episode: The Christmas Show (1993) (Season 1, Episode 8)

Isn't that cute? She still believes in Santa. –Honey, I believe in anyone that delivers.

Madeline Zima (Grace Sheffield) | Fran Drescher (Fran Fine)

File Updated: 2021-11-23

Dec

2006

U2charist

From: The Daily Show

Episode: Tom Vilsack (2006) (Season 11, Episode 159)

Finally, a church service combining the spirituality of the Bible with the preachiness of Bono. They call it the U2charist. Seriously. You laugh, but it's still cooler than Hanson's Mmboptism.

Samantha Bee

File Updated: 2021-11-21

#Religion

#Music

Dec

2006

The end of Michael Richards' career

From: The Daily Show

Episode: Tom Vilsack (2006) (Season 11, Episode 159)

Hello, and welcome to This Week in God's Christmas Christacular: honoring that special time of year when we celebrate the birth of our savior, and Jews celebrate Chanukah when their oil lasted longer than they thought it would. And then, of course, there's Kwanzaa, which I believe celebrates the end of Michael Richards' career.

Samantha Bee

File Updated: 2021-11-21

Dec

2005

Deemed all of them unseemly

From: The Daily Show

Episode: David McCullough (2005) (Season 10, Episode 155)

But apparently we liberal, secular fags here at Comedy Central have fired a devastating year-old 6-second long joke, that doesn't barely even make any sense to us any more, across the bow of Christianity. When you think of Liberals, your thoughts naturally turn to others who're fighting against Christmas, like the Puritans: the first white Americans who banned Christmas celebrations for 22 years in Boston because they deemed all of them unseemly.

Jon Stewart

File Updated: 2021-11-21

Dec

2005

Oh, crap, I forgot Chanukah!

From: The Daily Show

Episode: Isabella Rossellini (2004) (Season 9, Episode 68)

Oh, crap, I forgot Chanukah! Ooh! Chanukah's on the 7th. How could I forget the holiday that starts on a different day every year and commemorates a lamp not going out?

Samantha Bee

File Updated: 2021-11-21

#Chanukah

#Religion

#Sarcasm

Dec

2005

Osama's Homobortion Pot-n-Commie Jizzporium

From: The Daily Show

Episode: David McCullough (2005) (Season 10, Episode 155)

You know what? It's OK. If Bill O'Reilly needs to have an enemy, needs to feel persecuted, you know what? Here's my Kwanzaa gift to him... Are you ready? All right... I'm your enemy. Make me your enemy. I, Jon Stewart, hate Christmas, Christians, Jews, morality! And I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's Homobortion Pot-n-Commie Jizzporium.

Jon Stewart

File Updated: 2021-11-21

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