Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Born: 1962-11-28

IMDB Filmography

Mar

2010

Cancel my 50th birthday

From: The Daily Show

...Not only did I grope him, I tickled him 'til he couldn't breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me. It's my 50th birthday.' –Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, poor guy's jumping on you-- that sounds like a--a hell of a--a shindig there... I just--very quickly-- (talking into phone) Cancel my 50th birthday.

Eric Massa | Jon Stewart

#Birthday

#Aging

#Sex

Mar

2010

Worst Penthouse Forum letter

From: The Daily Show

Worst Penthouse Forum letter ever.

Jon Stewart

#Sex

#Magazines

Jun

2009

Brought to you by the number 420

From: The Daily Show

Gitmo even learn about local culture. That remind me, today's Gitmo brought to you by the number 420! –Yes, yes, I get it, Gitmo. Very good. –And the letter 'Pot.'

Jon Stewart (Gitmo, cuddliest ex-detainee) | Jon Stewart

#Drugs

#Parody

Jun

2009

That's our motto

From: The Daily Show

Pee anywhere you'd like, because that's our motto here at Comedy Central.

Jon Stewart

#Piss

#Motto

Apr

2009

Heh heh heh heh

From: The Daily Show

Heh heh heh heh.

Jon Stewart

#Politics

#Parody

#President

Dec

2005

Osama's Homobortion Pot-n-Commie Jizzporium

From: The Daily Show

Episode: David McCullough (2005) (Season 10, Episode 155)

You know what? It's OK. If Bill O'Reilly needs to have an enemy, needs to feel persecuted, you know what? Here's my Kwanzaa gift to him... Are you ready? All right... I'm your enemy. Make me your enemy. I, Jon Stewart, hate Christmas, Christians, Jews, morality! And I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's Homobortion Pot-n-Commie Jizzporium.

Jon Stewart

File Updated: 2021-11-21

Dec

2005

Deemed all of them unseemly

From: The Daily Show

Episode: David McCullough (2005) (Season 10, Episode 155)

But apparently we liberal, secular fags here at Comedy Central have fired a devastating year-old 6-second long joke, that doesn't barely even make any sense to us any more, across the bow of Christianity. When you think of Liberals, your thoughts naturally turn to others who're fighting against Christmas, like the Puritans: the first white Americans who banned Christmas celebrations for 22 years in Boston because they deemed all of them unseemly.

Jon Stewart

File Updated: 2021-11-21