And so it was decided that once every year, when the weather got chilly, that Finn, Jake, the Ice King, BMO, Princess Bubblegum, Marceline the Vampire Queen, Cinnamon Bun, Peppermint Butler, Phil, a candy man, one of the Gumdrop girls, Lady Rainicorn, Lumpy Space Princess, that guy, the other guy, a pig, Tree Trunks, a two-headed duck, the old crazy Tart Toter, the Punch Bowl, a booger, and Gunter would get together while wearing really big sweaters and watch videos on the floor next to a fire to celebrate the day when Finn and Jake had a fleeting moment of empathy for the biggest weirdo in Ooo. It was a miracle. Good night.
And there have been consequences to the moral decay of this country caused by the gays and the acceptance of their lifestyle, and there will be more! 9/11, AIDS, Obama's election, Hurricane Katrina-- –And Sandy, oh and don't forget that Japanese tsunami, and fire ants! All because of the gays. –Well, you know, I consider myself a god-fearing Christian, but I find it hard to believe that the gays wield enough power to control the weather... and disease... and insects.
'Twas the city of Townsville, and all through the town, all the townsfolk are stirring as snow is falling down. It's bitter and freezing in the dead of December, but there's reason for joy if you can remember. For it's this time of year that our story unfolds, when our hearts are the warmest despite all the cold. Yes, it is Christmas, just two days before, and all through the town none can wait anymore for the timely arrival of one certain fat guy who brings us all goodies from out of the sky. Full of anticipation are these urban folks, none more-so than the students at old Pokey Oaks.