Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Losing Locker Room Reporter. –♪ Mr. Losing Locker Room Reporter ♫ –Where ever a semi-naked man is crying like a schoolgirl because he lost a ballgame, you are there. –♪ So sad, too bad now ♫ –Why did they lose? Because some millionaire dropped the ball. A millionaire who needs a mic stuck in his face on national television. –♪ Oh, no ♫ –Go ahead. Wear your cashmere blazer to work. No one's going to pour champagne on it where you're going. –♪ They're just losers ♫ –So this Bud's for you, O Bringer Of Bad News. You're not a big loser. You just interview them. –♪ Don't want to talk about it ♫
You know, Mary, I haven't had Christmas off in seven years. –Oh, that's terrible. –Well, it's not too bad. You get used to it. Christmas is just like any other day when you work in a newsroom. You know what I mean? –Uh, no. –Oh. You gotta work on Christmas. –I've got to work on Christmas? –Well, that's another way of putting it.
The Running Man has been brought to you by: Breakaway Paramilitary Uniforms, Orthopure Procreation Pill, and Cadre Cola; it hits the spot! Promotional considerations paid for by: Kelton Flame Throwers, Wainwright Electrical Launchers, and Hammond & Gage Chainsaws. Damon Killian's wardrobe by Chez Antoinne: 19th-Century craftsmanship for the 21st-Century man. Cadre Trooper and studio-guard side arms provided by Colchester: the pistol of patriots. Remember: Tickets for the ICS studio tour are always available for Class-A citizens in good standing. If you'd like to be a contestant on The Running Man, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to: ICS Talent Hunt, care of your local affiliate, and then go out and do something really despicable! I'm Phil Hilton! Good night and take care!