#Television

I don't watch TV. It's a cultural wasteland filled with inappropriate metaphors and an unrealistic portrayal of life created by the Liberal Media Elite.

James Laing (First Guard)

#Television

Nov

2017

Mr. Losing Locker Room Reporter

From: Real American Heroes

Episode: Radio Spot #22

Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Losing Locker Room Reporter. –♪ Mr. Losing Locker Room Reporter ♫ –Where ever a semi-naked man is crying like a schoolgirl because he lost a ballgame, you are there. –♪ So sad, too bad now ♫ –Why did they lose? Because some millionaire dropped the ball. A millionaire who needs a mic stuck in his face on national television. –♪ Oh, no ♫ –Go ahead. Wear your cashmere blazer to work. No one's going to pour champagne on it where you're going. –♪ They're just losers ♫ –So this Bud's for you, O Bringer Of Bad News. You're not a big loser. You just interview them. –♪ Don't want to talk about it ♫

Pete Stacker (Announcer) | Dave Bickler (Singer in commercial)

Nov

2017

Dedicated to History

From: South Park

Episode: A History Channel Thanksgiving (2011) (Season 15, Episode 13)

You're watching The History Channel, the only network dedicated to history. Coming up next, it's Monster Quest, aargh, followed by Hairy Bikers, grrr. But now, back to Part 3 of Ancient Aliens At Thanksgiving.

Trey Parker (TV Announcer)

Feb

2017

Right after these messages

From: The Running Man

We'll be back... right after these important messages.

Richard Dawson (Damon Killian)

#Commercials

#Radio

#Television

Feb

2017

Unavailable due to jamming

From: Babylon 5

Episode: Racing Mars (1997) (Season 4, Episode 10)

Entertainment channel unavailable due to jamming. (beep) Movie channel unavailable due to jamming. (beep) Sports channel unavailable due to jamming. (beep) Adult channel unavailable due to jamming.

Haley McLane (Babylon 5 Computer)

Dec

2016

How David Lynch Stole Christmas

From: Family Guy

Episode: How the Griffin Stole Christmas (2016) (Season 15, Episode 9)

We now return to How David Lynch Stole Christmas.

uncredited (TV Announcer)

#Television

#Christmas

Dec

2016

Gotta work on Christmas

From: Mary Tyler Moore

Episode: Christmas and the Hard-Luck Kid II (1970) (Season 1, Episode 14)

You know, Mary, I haven't had Christmas off in seven years. –Oh, that's terrible. –Well, it's not too bad. You get used to it. Christmas is just like any other day when you work in a newsroom. You know what I mean? –Uh, no. –Oh. You gotta work on Christmas. –I've got to work on Christmas? –Well, that's another way of putting it.

Edward Asner (Lou Grant) | Mary Tyler Moore (Mary Richards)

Nov

2016

Continuing crisis update

From: Babylon 5

Episode: Falling Toward Apotheosis (1996) (Season 4, Episode 4)

We're preempting your normal BabCom service to bring you another update in the continuing crisis.

Claudia Christian (Susan Ivanova)

Nov

2016

Turkey bombs

From: WKRP in Cincinnati

Episode: Turkeys Away (1978) (Season 1, Episode 7)

Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Les. For those of you who just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at 11:00.

Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever)

Oct

2016

Shh. It's showtime!

From: The Running Man

Shhh... It's showtime!

Richard Dawson (Damon Killian)

#Television

#Radio

May

2016

Just like Roots

From: Jeffrey

Steve is a bartender, so you have something in common. You can fall in love and cater together. It'll be just like Roots.

Patrick Stewart (Sterling)

Dec

2015

Enlarged heart

From: 3rd Rock From The Sun

Episode: Happy New Dick! (1998) (Season 4, Episode 9)

How can they let the Grinch carve the roast beast after what he did? –They probably feel bad for him because of his enlarged heart.

John Lithgow (Dr. Dick Solomon) | French Stewart (Harry Solomon)

Sep

2015

Whatcha watching?

From: ParaNorman

Whatcha watching? –Sex and violence.

Leslie Mann (Sandra Babcock) | Kodi Smit-McPhee (Norman Babcock)

#Television

#Sex

#Violence

Jan

2015

Let the cartoon begin

From: Pee-Wee's Playhouse

Episode: Ice Cream Soup (1986) (Season 1, Episode 1)

Let the cartoon begin!

Gilbert Lewis (King of Cartoons)

#Television

#Cartoons

Jun

2014

Promotional considerations

From: The Running Man

The Running Man has been brought to you by: Breakaway Paramilitary Uniforms, Orthopure Procreation Pill, and Cadre Cola; it hits the spot! Promotional considerations paid for by: Kelton Flame Throwers, Wainwright Electrical Launchers, and Hammond & Gage Chainsaws. Damon Killian's wardrobe by Chez Antoinne: 19th-Century craftsmanship for the 21st-Century man. Cadre Trooper and studio-guard side arms provided by Colchester: the pistol of patriots. Remember: Tickets for the ICS studio tour are always available for Class-A citizens in good standing. If you'd like to be a contestant on The Running Man, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to: ICS Talent Hunt, care of your local affiliate, and then go out and do something really despicable! I'm Phil Hilton! Good night and take care!

Rodger Bumpass (Phil Hilton)

File Updated: 2016-10-02

Mar

2014

Doomed to mediocrity

From: Murphy Brown

I said any network that's busier counting beans than finding good stories is doomed to mediocrity.

Candice Bergen (Murphy Brown)

Dec

2013

40 million dollars

From: Scrooged

We have spent 40 million dollars on a live TV show. You guys have got an ad with America's favorite old fart! Reading a book! In front of a fireplace! Now... I have to kill all of you.

Bill Murray (Frank Cross)

Nov

2013

Fun Capitol of the Sin Fernando Valley

From: Laugh-In

And now from beautiful downtown Burbank, the Fun Capitol of the Sin Fernando Valley, it's time for Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In!

Gary Owens (Announcer)

Oct

2013

That damned hacker

From: They Live

Our impulses are being re-directed. We are living in an artificially-induced state of consciousness that resembles sleep. –That damned hacker. That's the second time tonight that asshole's cut-in.

John Lawrence (Bearded Man) | George 'Buck' Flower (Drifter)

Mar

2013

The final frontier

From: Star Trek (2009)

Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Her ongoing mission: to explore strange, new worlds; to seek out new life-forms and new civilizations. To boldly go where no one has gone before.

Leonard Nimoy (Spock Prime)

#Television

#Movies

Dec

2012

Hey, Christmas Special

From: Fat Albert Christmas Special

Hey, hey, hey! This is The Fat Albert Christmas Special!

Bill Cosby (Fat Albert)

#Christmas

#Television

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Born Today

Ginnifer Goodwin • 22 May 1978

Christopher Lee • 22 May 1922

Barbara Parkins • 22 May 1942

Paul Winfield • 22 May 1939

Died Today

Richard Biggs • 22 May 2004

John Derek • 22 May 1998

Dina Merrill • 22 May 2017

Died This Year

08 Jan 2018 • Donnelly Rhodes

19 Jan 2018 • Dorothy Malone

04 Feb 2018 • John Mahoney

21 Feb 2018 • Emma Chambers

03 Mar 2018 • David Ogden Stiers

04 Apr 2018 • Soon-Tek Oh

13 May 2018 • Margot Kidder

Top 25 Quotes - Today

The 20th Century Fox theme, from: Miscellaneous
Views today: 14

I don't know, from: Invader ZIM
Views today: 9

Where are the Cheetos?!, from: Extended Play
Views today: 7

Goose-stepping morons, from: Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade
Views today: 7

Terrible things, from: Battlestar Galactica (2004)
Views today: 7

She offed herself, from: Girls Will Be Girls
Views today: 6

Lady-like look, from: Muscle Beach Party
Views today: 6

Change jobs with this buttonhead, from: The 3 Stooges
Views today: 5

Not ready for immortality, from: Babylon 5
Views today: 5

I feel much better, from: 2001: A Space Odyssey
Views today: 5

The colonies are burning, from: Battlestar Galactica: The Plan
Views today: 5

Dad, you're a real jerk!, from: Family Guy
Views today: 5

Fasten your seatbelts, from: Knight Rider
Views today: 4

Much to learn, from: Transformers (2007)
Views today: 4

Lured me into their deception, from: Battlestar Galactica: The Original Series
Views today: 4

An Old Fashioned, from: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Views today: 4

Worst Penthouse Forum letter, from: The Daily Show
Views today: 4

What's that smell?, from: Bear In The Big Blue House
Views today: 3

This is ridiculous!, from: Lover Come Back
Views today: 3

Bitch about movies, from: Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back
Views today: 3

When everyone's super, from: The Incredibles
Views today: 3

Seize your moment, from: Coco
Views today: 3

You monster, from: Portal 2
Views today: 3

That'll do, Donkey, from: Shrek
Views today: 3

As politely as possible, from: Dead Like Me
Views today: 3

Top 25 Shows (since 2012)

Archer / Total views: 65,392

Family Guy / Total views: 31,553

Doctor Who (II) / Total views: 26,985

Sound Effects / Total views: 25,384

The Big Bang Theory / Total views: 24,358

Up / Total views: 22,860

Looney Tunes / Total views: 22,666

Blazing Saddles / Total views: 17,453

Babylon 5 / Total views: 16,660

2001: A Space Odyssey / Total views: 15,928

South Park / Total views: 15,072

Star Trek: The Original Series / Total views: 14,659

The Jetsons / Total views: 14,587

The Venture Bros. / Total views: 14,356

Eight on the Lam / Total views: 12,743

The 6 Million Dollar Man / Total views: 12,162

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (vinyl) / Total views: 12,107

Battlestar Galactica: The Original Series / Total views: 11,864

3rd Rock From The Sun / Total views: 11,087

The Bullwinkle Show / Total views: 11,011

Duckman: Private Dick / Family Man / Total views: 10,824

Miscellaneous / Total views: 10,727

Daria / Total views: 10,711

The 3 Stooges / Total views: 10,710

Laugh-In / Total views: 9,815

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#Television

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