When I was a kid, I wanted to celebrate Christmas, but I couldn't 'cause I'm Jewish. So I was stuck with Chanukah, or as many of you still call it, 'Shanookah' or 'Chawnikah', as in 'Are you celebrating that Chawnikah (bleep) again?' It's actually pronounced Chhh... Chhh... Chhh... I don't have enough phlegm to pronounce it.
You have a lovely holiday that you celebrate with lights. Yessiree. You have electricity. And what do we have? Candles. Itty-bitty candles like we're living in a cave or something. And you have lights everywhere. And what do the lights say? 'We're having fun, we're having fun, and you're not 'cause you're a Jew!'