The Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The Marketing Division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as 'your plastic pal who's fun to be with.' The Hichhiker's Guide To The Galaxy defines the Marketing Division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as 'a bunch of mindless jerks who will be the first against the wall when the Revolution comes.'
Welcome to the starship Heart Of Gold. Please do not be alarmed by anything you see or hear around you. You are bound to feel some initial ill effects as you have been rescued from certain death at an improbability level of 2 to the power of 267,709:1 against, possibly much higher. We are now cruising at a level of 2 to the power of 25,000:1 against and falling, and will be restoring normality as soon as we're sure what is normal anyway. Thank you.
The Encyclopedia Galactica describes alcohol as a colorless, volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life forms. The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. The effect of which is like having your brain smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped 'round a large gold brick. The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one, and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate.
It it an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much: the wheel, New York, wars, and so on. But conversely, the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons!
The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the Star Spangled Banner. In fact, the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.
When you've been in Marketing as long as I have, you'll know that before any new product can be developed it has to be properly researched. We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, the image-- –Oh, stick it up your nose. –Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know. Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?