Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Male Fur Coat Wearer. –♪ Mr. Male Fur Coat Wearer ♫ –Perhaps fashion's greatest mystery: what makes a big, strong man say "I think I need a new fur coat?" –♪ I don't know ♫ –The very height of political incorrectness. Nothing says "I could give a rat's rear end" like a man in a floor-length chinchilla. –♪ Takin' no prisoners ♫ –A look that's half street pimp, half Aunt Esther, and full-on fur-tastic. Sure it's gauche, but you don't spend more on your coat than your car not to be noticed. –♪ Look at me! ♫ –So this Bud's for you, Mr. Male Fur Coat Wearer, because it takes a real man to wear a lady's coat. –♪ Mr. Male Fur Coat Wearer ♫
Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor. –♪ Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor ♫ –Through the miracle of hypo-allergenic adhesives you transform us from mild-mannered accountant into roadhouse biker hooligan. –♪ Hooligan ♫ –Be it screaming skull or thrashing tiger, you've got a temporary alter ego for any occasion. –♪ Flamin' dragons ♫ –What else says "I love you, Mom" like a heart with a sword through it? –♪ You know I love you, mama ♫ –So this Bud's for you, Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor Guy. We may not have been born to ride, but thanks to you we can feel like it. –♪ Thank you, Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor ♫
Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Nudist Colony Activity Coordinator. –♪ Mr. Nudist Colony Activity Coordinator ♫ –Wearing nothing but a whistle and a clipboard, you're living the real American Dream: getting paid to think up fun things to do naked. –♪ Runnin' free ♫ –Sure there's danger: vinyl chairs, sunburns, chafage. And lawn darts? Completely out of the question. –♪ Watch out now! ♫ –Your keen instincts tell you to activities that involve lots of bouncing and jiggling. And if that doesn't work, who cares? You're all naked. –♪ It's your birthday ♫ –So this Bud's for you, Nudie Boy. Because we all know when the going gets tough, the tough get naked. –♪ Mr. Nudist Colony Activity Coordinator ♫
Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Really Bad Toupee Wearer. –♪ Mr. Really Bad Toupee Wearer ♫ –More than any neon sign or exploding scoreboard ever could, your chrome-dome cover says "Hey, guys, look at me." –♪ What could you be thinkin'? ♫ –You think it looks "natural", but it couldn't look phonier if it had a chin-strap. –♪ Couldn't fool a blind man ♫ –Made of space-age fibers, it can repel anything: rain, wind, snow, and especially young women. –♪ I don't think so ♫ –So crack open an ice-cold Budweiser, Mr. Stud In A Rug. Then crack open another for that thing on your head. –♪ I don't think it's on straight ♫
Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Edible Underwear Maker. –♪ Mr. Edible Underwear Maker ♫ –Your true genius combined two of Man's favorite things: panties and food. –♪ I can taste it now ♫ –They're a snack. They're underwear. They're a snack and underwear. Brilliant. –♪ Two treats in one ♫ –Gorgeous grape. Rock my world raspberry. Bodacious banana. –♪ 26 flavors ♫ –And nothing says "I want you" like a man with a mouthful of underpants –♪ I want you, baby ♫ –So this Bud's for you, Mr. Edible Underwear Maker. Because thanks to you, when it comes to panties extra-large means extra-yummy. –♪ Yummy, yummy, yummy ♫
Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Company Computer Guy. –♪ Mr. Company Computer Guy ♫ –Though we worker bees scarcely know our modems from our scrotums, you are there to guide us. –♪ Modems and scrotums ♫ –When we screw-up the boot-up you are there. Without you, computers would mega-bite. –♪ Mega-bite ♫ –The countless hours we spend surfing the internet and accidentally stumbling upon porn sites would instead be spent working. –♪ Working for the man ♫ –So this Bud's for you, Mr. Company Computer Guy. For it's you who keeps our logons logging and our hard drives hard. –♪ You gotta see this porn site! ♫
Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Foot-Long Hot Dog Inventor. –♪ Mr. Foot-Long Hot Dog Inventor ♫ –When conventional wisdom said no one could make a hot dog longer than six inches, you dared to dream. –♪ Dared to dream ♫ –You knew the limitations of a regular-sized hot dog bun and you ignored them. –♪ Can't stop me now! ♫ –You made a 10-inch wiener, and people cheered. –♪ Oh! ♫ –But you weren't satisfied. You said, "Wait! I still think I can give you two more inches." –♪ Gotta want it ♫ –And so the foot-long was born. So this Bud's for you, Mr. Hot Dog Hero. Because you gave every single one of us our fondest wish: a bigger wiener. –♪ Thank you, thank you, thank you ♫
Oh, I've seen almost half of America. Everywhere I look I'm proud to see what I can see of Americans. Well, I can see, just take a look! –I'm Phil Ken Sebben. You may not know me, but I have 12 billion dollars here that says you'll vote for me regardless. –Phil Ken Sebben. Strength. Leadership. Vision. –Oh, almost forgot! I've taken every drug known to man, and not just orally. Just getting that out there. –Paid for by the people that gave Phil Ken Sebben 12 billion dollars.