Peter Griffin

You want to tell me what the hell happened to our Thanksgiving turkey? –Oh, that. Uh, well, last night Brian and I got drunk and ate the turkey. But before you get mad, we also ate the salad.

Alex Borstein (Lois Griffin) | Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Thanksgiving

Nov

2017

Don't mock Movember

From: Family Guy

Episode: Turkey Guys (2014) (Season 13, Episode 5)

Brian, maybe you should be a little less mad at me and a little more mad at the guys growing mustache's for this month. –Hey, don't mock Movember! Last year I raised $8.00 and got on a BuzzFeed listicle. –No! You use real words! Internet stuff is not real words!

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin) | Seth MacFarlane (Brian Griffin)

Jan

2017

White guys doing stupid things

From: Family Guy

Episode: How the Griffin Stole Christmas (2016) (Season 15, Episode 9)

OK, now since we're white guys doing something stupid, everybody grab a GoPro.

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Stupidity

#Photography

Dec

2016

The Christmas I'd never forget

From: Family Guy

Episode: How the Griffin Stole Christmas (2016) (Season 15, Episode 9)

And that was the Christmas I would never forget... Until I went home and had, like, 50 beers and did forget. But only after I screamed myself into a blackout while my whole family held me down. Merry Christmas.

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

Aug

2009

Stranger holding a dirty needle

From: Family Guy

Well, if there's anyone I can trust it's a stranger at the gym holding a dirty needle.

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Drugs

#Exercise

#Trust

Aug

2009

What are you looking at? It's a cartoon!

From: Family Guy

What are you looking at? It's a cartoon!

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Cartoons

#Television

#Movies

May

2009

Shave the cat

From: Family Guy

Let's shave the cat!

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Sex

#Pets

Feb

2008

To be a bear

From: Family Guy

This is what it feels like to be a bear. You remember what I used to say, Lois, when we first got married? You remember? I used to say, 'What would it feel like to be a bear?' Well, this is it. This is it! I'm living it, baby.

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Gay

#Sex

Feb

2008

Oh no she didn't!

From: Family Guy

Oh no she didn't!

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Exclamations

Jan

2008

Lay down a few rules

From: Family Guy

All right, listen up. Before we go any further I'm going to lay down a few rules, all right? Commandment number one: shut the hell up. Commandment number two: there's nothing I can do about the sun. Commandment number three: there are no more Jolly Ranchers. They're all gone. Commandment number four: when we pass a billboard, please don't read it out loud all right? Now come on, let's get going!

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Rules

Nov

2007

Screw up all my fuzziness

From: Family Guy

(sigh) Fine... screw up all my fuzziness.

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Fashion

Nov

2007

A moment of television history

From: Family Guy

Oh, that's just great, Lois. Thanks to you, I missed a moment of television history! –Well, now you know how George W. Bush felt when he showed up in Vietnam.

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin) | Seth MacFarlane (Stewie Griffin)

Sep

2007

What the Hell was that?

From: Family Guy

What the Hell was that?

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Exclamations

Dec

2006

Dipsilucious vacation

From: Family Guy

Episode: A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas (2001) (Season 3, Episode 16)

Peter, tomorrow's Christmas Eve and you still haven't gotten us a tree. –Lois, I told you, I'm on dipsilucious vacation. What part of that don't you understand?

Alex Borstein (Lois Griffin) | Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

File Updated: 2017-12-05

Dec

2006

Designated Driver

From: Family Guy

Episode: A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas (2001) (Season 3, Episode 16)

Yeah, Peter, one of us has to be the Designated Driver, and I've already had four egg nogs, so I guess you're it. –Hah. That's a good one, Joe. Heh. Way to get into the spirit. Heh heh. –(konk) I'm a cop first and a buddy second, so don't think I wouldn't throw your drunk-driving ass in the slammer! (glug glug glug) All right! Let's a-wassail!

Patrick Warburton (Joe Swanson) | Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

File Updated: 2017-12-05

Dec

2006

Under the mistletoe

From: Family Guy

Episode: A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas (2001) (Season 3, Episode 16)

Well, you owe me. Later, under the mistletoe, open-mouth, no matter how drunk I am.

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

File Updated: 2017-12-05

Dec

2005

Complicated Christmas

From: Family Guy

Episode: A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas (2001) (Season 3, Episode 16)

Uh, uh, uh, before you sit down, we're due at Joe and Bonnie's for egg nog. –Lois, can't we tell them that your mother died? –Peter, I'm not going to lie about something like that. –All right, all right, I'll kill your mother. God, when did Christmas become so complicated?

Alex Borstein (Lois Griffin) | Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

File Updated: 2017-12-05

Dec

2005

And to all shut the hell up

From: Family Guy

Episode: A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas (2001) (Season 3, Episode 16)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all shut the hell up.

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

File Updated: 2017-12-05

#Christmas

#STFU

Nov

2005

You are so full of (bleep)!

From: Family Guy

Oh, Lois, you are so full of (bleep)! What?! Now I can't say (bleep) in my own (bleep) house? (bleep) great, Lois, just (bleep) great. You know you're lucky you're good at (bleep) my (bleep) or I'd never put up with you. You know what I'm talking about. When you (bleep) lubed-up (bleep) toothpaste in my (bleep) while you (bleep) on a cherry (bleep) Episcopalian (bleep) extention cord (bleep) wetness (bleep) with a parking ticket. That is the best!

Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Love

#Sex

#Religion

Nov

2005

It's the (bleep) Van (bleep) Show!

From: Family Guy

It's the (bleep) Van (bleep) Show! Starring (bleep) Van (bleep)! –They're messing with my shows!

Fred Tatasciore (TV Announcer) | Seth MacFarlane (Peter Griffin)

#Television

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