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December 31 – "Ooh, child, he gonna mess your ass up." – [Debbie Love (Angela Gibbs) from Sealab 2021] |
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December 30 – "Remember, any more noise and you're going to be using the curb for a pillow." – [Kathleen Freeman from Artists And Models] |
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December 29 – "B-But I wouldn't know the first thing about publishing filth. –You're young, you can learn!" – [Don Knotts and Bob Hastings from The Love God?] |
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December 28 – "If you love your country, you'll publish a filthy magazine." – [Herb Voland from The Love God?] |
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December 27 – "When will the government stop interfering with private business?!" – [Edmond O'Brien from The Love God?] |
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December 24 – "I'm sorry I'm late, but you know what traffic is on the day before Christmas." – [Dick York from Bewitched]
and "Merry Christmas, Ralph. –Merry Christmas, Norton. Anyway, I know it came from your heart. –No, it didn't. It came from the fat man's shop." – [Jackie Gleason and Art Carney from The Honeymooners] |
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December 23 – "Mom, we always open presents on Christmas Eve. –Mother, I won't be able to sleep the whole night. Why can't we open them tonight?" – [Paul Petersen and Shelley Fabares from The Donna Reed Show]
and "You should know better than to try to mail something on the day of Christmas Eve. Especially a letter to Santa Claus! (laughter)" – [Roy (Dee Bradley Baker) from Johnny Bravo] |
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December 22 – "Christmas present. –Oh, how jolly, Lurch. Who is it from?" – [Ted Cassidy and Carolyn Jones from The Addams Family]
and "Season's Greetings, everybody, from KBHR, the heart and soul of Cicely, Alaska. This is Chris In The Morning. From where I'm sitting, I've got a great view of all the yuletide decorations going up all over town. That's right, everywhere I turn my head I see ebony birds roosting for the holidays. You know, twinkling colored lights are nice, and so are plastic Santas and reindeers and manger scenes, but I'll tell you something, friends... nothing like the sight of beautiful black-as-pitch raven to get you in the Christmas spirit." – [John Corbett from Northern Exposure] |
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December 21 – "Pistol, why don't you come help me? You know how your father hates Christmas. –I do not! I just hate decorations." – [Peg Pete and Peter Pete, Sr. (April Winchell and Jim Cummings) from Goof Troop]
and "And from that day on, we've honored and celebrated it. It's a time of rebirth for our wishes and our dreams. A time of coming together in joy and peace. It's the shortest day of the year and the longest night. But on this special night a new light, a new chance, is born to us all. So it's a time for miracles and goodwill towards all living creatures. That's why the Winter's Solstice means so much and touches us all so deeply." – [Renée O'Connor from Xena: Warrior Princess] |
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December 20 – "What is the point of having a great tree if the outside of the house looks like… like… –Our house? –Yes." – [Cody Kasch and Joely Fisher from Normal, Ohio]
and "For 50 years I have been in charge of Christmas. I've jingled your bells and I've roasted your chestnuts. This Christmas you goons can just rum-pa-pum-pum without me." – [Vicki Lawrence from Mama's Family] |
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December 17 – "What?! Why?! –Because Santa has his own list and he checks it twice. It says who's naughty and who's nice. –So? –Duh. You're naughty." – [Princess Morbucks and Bubbles (Jennifer Hale and Tara Strong) from The Powerpuff Girls]
and "Are you happy with the corns I strung for you? –Lisa, you're supposed to take the kernels off the cob and string them. –Well, don't blame me. I never did it before. In the old country, we used to string caviar. –Caviar? –We'd have caviar on one string and crackers on the other. –Oh, for-- –And then we'd play the Hungarian Christmas game called 'Smear the crackers with caviar.'" – [Eva Gabor and Eddie Albert from Green Acres] |
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December 16 – "All right, everyone, this is the big moment. Not exactly Rockefeller Center, but Merry Christmas anyway." – [Lauren Bacall from All I Want For Christmas]
and "I guess you were right, Linus. I shouldn't've picked this little tree. Everything I do turns into a disaster. I guess I really don't know what Christmas is all about." – [Charlie Brown (Peter Robbins) from A Charlie Brown Christmas] |
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December 15 – "I understand the suicide rate goes up dramatically around Christmastime. –Yeah, well, you know, it's a stressful time of the year for most people, Maurice. –Yeah. The thing is, you go through the rest of the year fine. You've got your friends, you've got your business, you're part of the community. And then, 'round the middle of December, if you're alone, you start to feel like an outsider." – [Barry Corbin and John Corbett from Northern Exposure]
and "Every year, Nani hides our Christmas presents. It's my job as a little sister to find them. It's another Hawaiian Christmas tradition!" – [Lilo (Daveigh Chase) from Lilo & Stitch: The Series] |
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December 14 – "Oh no! What if I don't get my official Red Raider carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle?! –Huh. Who would want a stupid old BB gun? –(gasp) Princess! –Besides, you'll shoot your eye out." – [Buttercup and Princess Morbucks (Elizabeth Daily and Jennifer Hale) from The Powerpuff Girls]
and "And all of the young 'uns are waiting with glee, thinking only of 'morn and what's under that tree. And not just the children, the teenagers, too. Chuck wants a football; Kathleen. a tattoo." – [Narrator (Tom Kenny) from The Powerpuff Girls] |
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December 13 – "I'm addressing Christmas cards. Aren't they cute? Each one has a little bunny on it dressed up like a shepherd. Don't say I'm not religious!" – [Sally Brown (Megan Taylor Harvey) from Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales]
and "Why does Grandma have to live so far away? Why don't we just stick her in a nursing home closer to us so I don't have to drive six hours to get a god-damned present!" – [Eric Cartman (Trey Parker) from South Park] |
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December 10 – "Oh, I love to watch children at Christmas. It's a shame we took it away from them." – [Buster Keaton from The Donna Reed Show]
and "I'm glad I put the tinsel on strand-by-strand. It gives the tree such symmetry. –Yeah, and it balances it out, too." – [Beverly Archer and Allan Kayser from Mama's Family] |
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December 9 – "But here, celebrating the Winter's Solstice is a crime. And anyone who gets caught can expect to pay a price." – [Sher Booth from Xena: Warrior Princess]
and "Red, I'm sure you'll do fine. Just remember now, Santa is a cheerful, jolly fellow who never calls a child 'dumbass.'" – [Debra Jo Rupp from That 70's Show] |
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December 8 – "You know that's the nature of a family holiday, to make a single man feel disenfranchised. You're made to feel like a hungry vagrant with your nose pressed up against a window staring at somebody else's dinner." – [Barry Corbin from Northern Exposure]
and "Now when it comes to Santa Claus, most mortals don't believe he exists… just like they don't believe in witches." – [Elizabeth Montgomery from Bewitched] |
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December 7 – "Don't you remember? We said we were going to be creative this year and make gifts instead of spending a lot of money Christmas shopping. –Well, I know we said it, I just didn't know we meant it." – [Meredith Baxter and Michael Gross from Family Ties]
and "Here, Santa. You caught me unprepared, so all I could find were bagel chips and guacamole." – [Pistol Pete (Nancy Cartwright) from Goof Troop] |
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December 6 – "So, Ben, you, uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't you? –Christmas. –Yep. And you know what other holiday is coming up? –Christmas Eve. –Yes, but also… Chanukah!" – [David Schwimmer and Cole Mitchell Sprouse from Friends]
and "I've researched winter Earth holidays like Kwanzaa, Christmas, Chanukah, and the year-end clearance sale at Mendelton's department store. –I don't think that last one's a holiday. –If 50% off everything isn't a holiday, sister, I don't know what is!" – [Wendy Pleakley and Lilo (Kevin McDonald and Daveigh Chase) from Lilo & Stitch: The Series] |
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December 3 – "I love a Boy's Choir at Christmas. –That's 'cause you've never had to sit through one." – [Dorothy Lyman and Vicki Lawrence from Mama's Family]
and "Hey, have you got any money? –Don't look at me. This is Christmastime, everybody's busted at this time! I'm broke. I ain't got no money!" – [Jackie Gleason and Art Carney from The Honeymooners] |
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December 2 – "So, Mr. Fancy Claus, remember me? My name is Rerun. What happened to all the things you were going to bring me for Christmas last year? Kind of forgot, didn't you, huh? I don't suppose you'd care to explain, would you, huh?" – [Rerun Van Pelt (Timmy Deters) from Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales]
and "Jeff, Christmas presents are not something you weigh or measure." – [Donna Reed from The Donna Reed Show] |
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December 1 – "Dear, Santa. What do I want for Christmas, you may ask? All I want is for you to visit the gentle folk here in Bikini Bottom. That is my wish." – [SpongeBob SquarePants (Tom Kenny) from SpongeBob SquarePants]
and "Wait a minute. You're one of those Solstice lovers, aren't you? One of those rebels who thinks that everything and everyone should stop once a year just to raise a glass, eat a goose, unwrap gifts! Well, you know what I say to that? –Bet I can guess." – [Peter Vere-Jones and Lucy Lawless from Xena: Warrior Princess] |
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