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July 29 – "Damnit, Warden, I think this game's a big mistake. –Captain, not only will you have the chance to hone our team to a fine edge, you'll also have the opportunity to learn a great deal about life. Why is it, do you suppose, that I can walk through this yard, surrounded by hate, and in total command? –Because you've got 15 gun turrets all around you that say you can." – [Ed Lauter and Eddie Albert from The Longest Yard] |
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July 28 – "Oh, if only God would give me some sign. If He would just speak to me once. Anything. One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough. –Of course there's a God! We're made in His image! –You think I was made in God's image? Take a look at me. You think He wears glasses? –Not with those frames." – [Woody Allen and Diane Keaton from Love And Death] |
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July 27 – "Fred, all I know about computers is I want a better one than everyone else." – [unknown from a CDW commercial] |
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July 26 – "Now I don't hold jail against you, but I hate a liar." – [John Wayne from The Cowboys] |
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July 25 – "Just where do you think you're going? –Uh, I was gonna sell some rubber nipples." – [Ren Höek and Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat (John Kricfalusi and Billy West) from The Ren & Stimpy Show] |
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July 22 – "Yes, what I am began in Man's mind, but I have progressed further than Man." – [Colossus (Paul Frees) from Colossus: The Forbin Project] |
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July 21– In Memoriam: James Doohan
"Ah, if this doesn't work, I don't know what will." – [James Doohan from Star Trek: The Original Series]
"What is it, Scotty? –Transporter breakdown, sir. Continue circuit testing." – [William Shatner and James Doohan from Star Trek: The Original Series] |
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July 20 – "You should not let your gay friends tell you what to wear sometimes. That's what it comes down to--a straight man to say 'Great bazoombaloomalas!'" – [Joan Rivers from So Graham Norton] |
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July 19 – "Why? Why are you following me? Why? What have I ever done to you?" – [Dudley Moore from Foul Play] |
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July 18 – "You think I have nothing better to do than gather information on you and use it against you? Do you think I'm that petty? –Oh, of course not! –Oh, and by the way, you're not working hard enough. –What? –Yep. Got it all on this tape right here." – [Phil Ken Sebben and Harvey Birdman (Stephen Colbert and Gary Cole) from Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law] |
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July 15 – "First thing you want to know about hippogriffs is that they're very proud creatures, very easily offended. You do not want to insult a hippogriff. If may just be the last thing you ever do." – [Robbie Coltrane from Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban] |
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July 14 – "Don't you have nothing else to do but harp on Dr. Venture? Why haven't you tried the World Domination thing, you afraid of the big leagues? –Please. How stupid do I look to you? World Domination. I'll leave that to the religious nuts or the Republicans, thank you." – [Brock Sampson and The Monarch (Patrick Warburton and Christopher McCulloch) from The Venture Bros.] |
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July 13 – "Everybody has had one, and one is enough for anybody." – [Gene Wilder from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory] |
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July 12 – "Why do you hate your mother so?! –I hate her because she's a money-grubbing selfish bitch who ruined my father's life, and a promiscuous slut who spends all my father's hard-earned money on trash like you! –That's not good enough." – [Jason Priestley and Natasha Lyonne from Die, Mommie, Die!] |
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July 11 – "Michael, I hate you for making me say serious things, so I will only say this once… You've gone too far with the drugs. –Have you looked in the mirror lately?" – [Seth Green and Macaulay Culkin from Party Monster] |
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July 8 – "Hey, Yankees, you can take your apology and your trophy and shove it straight up your ass!" – [Chris Barnes from The Bad News Bears] |
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July 7 – "Thomas Jefferson: philosopher, inventor, president, and keeper of one saucy journal! 'The Declaration of In My Pants' tonight on Sick Sad World!" – [Sick Sad World announcer (John Lynn) from Daria] |
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July 6 – "Testicular torsion isn't just something on TV. It's a real problem. –Testicular torsion occurs only in males, usually under 25-years-of-age. –If you're experiencing sharp pains in the scrotum, swelling in one or both testes, or even blood in your semen, your genitals are most likely dying. –That's right, Doc! So if you want to keep them, you need to seek medical attention as soon as you experience pain like Hank and Dean here did. –So don't be a jack-ass, go see a doctor. –If you want to keep your testicles healthy, remember these three words: Stop, Touch, and Tell. –To find out more about Testicular Torsion, you can look in special medical books. –Or on the InterWeb!" (see www.scrotalsafetycommission.com) – [Dean Venture, Hank Venture, Dr. Rusty Venture, & Brock Sampson (Michael Sinterniklaas, Christopher McCulloch, James Urbaniak, & Patrick Warburton) from The Venture Bros.] |
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July 5 – "We're all very different people. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans with a capital A, huh? You know what that means? Do you? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse." – [Bill Murray from Stripes] |
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July 1 – "Of all the ideas that became the United States, there's a line here that's at the heart of all the others. 'But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and provide new Guards for their future security.'" – [Nicholas Cage from National Treasure] |
